For those of us who live in an area of the world where winter brings cold air, piles of snow, very little sun and icy roads, you are probably pretty damn sick of the winter season at this point. I know what some of you in more temperate climates are thinking, "then why do you live there?" For me it is because I grew up here, my family and my wife’s family is here, but more importantly, winter brings it’s own fun set of activities that cannot be enjoyed in the warmer months. Sure, I wonder to myself why I moved back here from the mid-atlantic where it was slightly warmer on those morning when I have put on the fourth layer of clothing in order to take my dog for a walk in below zero temperatures before the sun has come up, but most of the time I am happy living here (sorry for the run on sentence).

Well besides wondering what in the hell we are thinking by making the choice to live in this type of climate, many people are probably wondering what you can possibly do to make these frigid temperatures enjoyable. First, let me give you my point of view on whether it is preferable to live in a hot climate or a comparatively cold climate. That leads me to my first point:

1) Think About The Virtues Of Where You Live

From my perspective, I would rather live in a place that is cold in the winter, and then very tolerable and enjoyable in the summer. For instance, people in Texas enjoy much milder winters than those of us in the northeast. However, when summer comes along they are home bound to the air conditioning because it is so hot outside you cannot stand the heat for more than a short period of time. In contrast, in winter, you can always bundle up with clothes to the point where you are warm and comfortable outside, which allows you to engage in outdoor activities in the cold winter months.

There is no way to cool yourself down when it is 110 degrees outside and you would like to go for a hike. But in the wintertime in the northeast, you can just bundle up to stay warm and get out there. Then in the summertime when the weather turns warm, there are very few days that are so hot that you cannot stand to be outside. I would say in the single digits for the year. Therefore, living in a climate that gets a cold winter allows you to stay active all year round.

These virtues of northeast living always bring me back to appreciate where I live when it is the middle of winter and I am sick of shoveling snow and stacking wood. Vacation to warmer climates in the winter are great, but I would not want to move to a very warm climate year round for the aforementioned reasons.

Living in Syracuse, NY we have a tremendous amount of outdoor activity to take advantage of. We have several lakes, state parks, county parks, ski slopes and other activities for active people. When I start to get the winter blahs I just go for a hike and remember that I would rather live here than somewhere where I would be forced to stay inside for several months a year because it was too hot to do anything outside. Although, a little more sunshine would be nice

2) Find Activities You Enjoy

The problem many people in my area suffer from is that they do not do any fun activities from the beginning to the end of winter. They go to work, come home and shut themselves in all winter. I would be miserable if I did that too! They need to take advantage of the weather and find an activity that winter allows which would be enjoyable for them.

The possible activities are many and varied, but the best kind involve physical activity. Physical activity releases happiness endorphins and lengthen your life. You win in every way. In my area you could get an inexpensive ski pass for a local slope which gives you unlimited access to ski or snow board on that slope all winter. Especially with the down turn in the economy, more and more ski resorts are offering special programs and deals to entice people into signing up. There may even be end of the year specials going on right now.

Another service offered by many ski resorts is access to sledding hills. When I was a kid we just went up to the neighbors hill and sledded down there. Unfortunately, more and more people are weary of litigation if someone gets hurt on their property and the days of using the neighbors property may be over. Also, many people just don’t have access to good sledding hills. That is where the ski resort pass comes in. Many places have hills reserved solely for sledding. They provide ski tubes and many have lifts going to the top of the hill (that would have been nice when I was a kid). It is great family activity if you have kids.

For those of you who are trying to save money (aren’t we all), try local state or county parks in your area. In my area, there is no fee to enter these parks in the wintertime. Many have minimal fees for snow shoe or cross country ski rentals. We usually strap our son on to a carrier and just hike around the trail if the snow is packed down enough. If the snow is still fresh and deep, we rent snow shoes for $3.00 per pair and go snow shoeing. Snow shoeing is just hiking with snow shoes. They allow your feet to stay on top of the snow without sinking in too far.

If you have not hiked through a pine forest in the wintertime while there is snow everywhere on the ground and trees and the sun is peaking through the branches you are really missing out on something special.

The problem many people in my area suffer from is that they have never lived anywhere else, so they think this is the worst place on earth. They need to get some perspective and context. I have lived somewhere else and I chose to move back here. My wife and I love outdoor activities and this area just offers so much to do outside. Every time living closer to our parents or the weather starts to get on my nerves, I just think about all of the positive aspects of living here and it makes me feel better. However, I have to actively catch myself and force myself into this self reflection for a positive purpose. Try it!

Whether you are about to get married, are a newlywed or have been married for many years, the one inescapable truth about marriage is that it takes a good deal of effort to make it work the right way. At the beginning of your relationship it was probably almost no "work" at all. There was a chemistry, mentally, emotionally and physically. You loved to be with the other person because of the way they made you feel. Once that infatuation wears off, the real relationship starts. Many times, these relationships end up in marriage. That is when the real work begins. Follow these tips to make sure your marriage is on the right track and you don’t end up in that 50 percentile of divorced people.

1) Make Sure Your Past Relationships ARE In The Past

Marriage should create a feeling of comfort and security for your partner. That cannot take place if you are still keeping a small flame for an ex. Even if you claim it is platonic and nothing is happening that would threaten your marriage, it can be hurtful and disrespectful to your spouse that you feel the need to carry on a relationship with your ex in spite of being married to another person. Your spouse may feel insecure because your ongoing interactions with your ex make it seem like there is something missing from your relationship with your spouse.

This is where you need to look at what is best for the health of your marriage. I am fully aware that a very cogent and valid argument could be made that if your spouse is insecure about your relationship with your ex, that is a problem that lies with your spouse, not with you. I agree, but most things are not black and white in a marriage, they are shades of gray. Even if you think your spouse is being insecure and ridiculous for being jealous of your ex, you need to recognize that those feelings are valid and consider how your actions impact the emotional well being of your spouse and your marriage. Is keeping in touch with your ex worth hurting your spouse and damaging your marriage? Is it worth continuing the relationship with your ex just because you feel you are right? NO! Don’t make the mistake of believing that just because you feel you are right, that is the end of the story. It never is in a marriage. There are some things on which you should stick to your principles, but this is not one of them.

You have chosen your spouse to be your life partner and their feeling are more important than you being right. Make the right choice and avoid any problems with your ex before they start. Or, if the problems have already started, cut ties with your ex and improve your relationship with your spouse.

2) Get On The Same Page Financially

The number one reason for divorce is financial disputes. One spouse spends more than the other spouse thinks they can afford. One spouse keeps a secret bank account for their secret hobbies. One spouse makes big purchases without consulting the other spouse. Any of this sound familiar? Then you really need to do a self analysis and determine whether it is you or your spouse, or both that need to modify behavior to be more of a "team" player in your marriage.

A "team" approach to marriage works perfectly for finances, and marriage overall. You need to include both players in financial decision. Let’s say one spouse works while the other stay home with the kids. That does not mean that the income producer should make all the decision about how the money is spent. You both have equally important roles and should get an equal share of say on what happens to the money. On the other hand, I have seen the phenomenon in reverse. A friend of mine has a wife who stays home with their kids while he goes to work to earn the income the family needs. When his paycheck comes in, he actually physically takes it to the bank to deposit rather than having it directly deposited because he can get $20.00 out of the paycheck without his wife knowing so he has a small amount of pocket money for the week without having to answer questions about what he is spending it on.

That is a funny scenario, but also a bit sad. My friend has to be deceitful to get $20 of spending money because his wife has such an iron grip on the finances? Geeeez, crack the whip! That is an unhealthy situation. Both spouses should be satisfied with the financial arrangements of the family and not made to feel resentful or hurt by what the other spouse is doing.

Many of the problems with finances which cause marriage problems it that people overspend. In our consumption based society where we are told every day through advertising bombardments that we need to buy more stuff, most of us are made to believe that getting all this extra "stuff" is a necessity. Once you overspend, you stretch yourself too thin, and you either rein in your spending to balance the budget or continue down the overspending path into bankruptcy, foreclosure, etc. This has two results, one is that one or both spouses will be upset about not being able to live up to their standard of living to which they have become accustomed over the period of overspending and that will create friction and unhappiness. The second result is that even if you could adjust and be happy spending less, it may be too late to get out the results of all your overspending, such as foreclosure. If you can no longer pay your mortgage and you have to sell your nice four bedroom house and move into an efficiency in a less desirable part of town, one or both spouses may have a hard time adjusting to the down tick.

The bottom line is that you need to make financial decisions together and spend responsibly to avoid conflict later. Guys, don’t come home with a huge t.v. for the superbowl without consulting your wife! Please!

3) Have Realistic Expectations

All too often one or both people enter a marriage thinking it is going to be some fairy tale like in the movies. Not the case. Marriage can be a wonderful, fulfilling partnership of trust and companionship. Definitely worth the trip. However, it is not all candle light dinners and romantic walks along the Seine in Paris. Most times marriage does not change the relationship you already have with your future spouse. Marriage is just a legal formality confirming the status of your relationship. One of the worst things people do is have unrealistic expectations for marriage and then, even if their marriage is good, it is still a disappointment because your expectations were artificially inflated.

I have a friend how dated a girl for many years before they got married. When they finally got married it was as if his wife changed her personality over night. It seems like she thought marriage was like on leave it to beaver and everything was wrapped up neatly at the end of the day. Not so. They are in the process of getting a divorce and the only real reason is because she had unrealistic expectations of what marriage would be like. They never had a relationship problem before marriage, and then boom, it imploded as soon as the legal formality was in place. Don’t make the same mistake.

Marriage can be a wonderful partnership throughout your life. Just make sure you follow these tips to avoid the major pitfalls that lead to relationship problems and sometimes, divorce.

Are you in a funk lately? Remember when you were having a great time in your life? Was it college? Was it childhood summer vacations at the lake? Whatever you are currently doing in your life, odds are that it is not the most enjoyable thing you have ever done. So if you are less than satisfied with your current situation and want some immediate gratification in the form of mood enhancement, take a walk down memory lane. Follow these steps to get immediate mood improvement from your memories:

1) Dust Off Those Photo Albums

Have you ever gotten out that old photo album and transported yourself back to the time and place of all those happy memories that those photos represent? Of course you have. We all have photos we keep that represent enjoyable times in our lives. Most of my photos I now keep on an online directory with snapfish.com. However, I have many older pictures from my wilder days in high school and college that I break out sometimes. I always find myself feeling transported back to those days when I am immersed in the photos. I remember what it was like to have very few cares and responsibilities in the world. I just had a good time and enjoyed things on a different level that I do now. That is not to say that I am not happy now. I am actually happier now than I was then. But a funny thing happens as we get older. We look back more fondly on times than we did when they were actually happening.

I tend to gloss over the bad times that we all experience in high school and college. That is what memory mood improvement is all about. It is about visualizing yourself back at that enjoyable point in your life in order to improve your current mood. As I said, now it is even easier to improve my mood with memories, I just pull up my snapfish account and remember back to that great boat ride over the summer with my son and wife and friends. That was a great day. The perfect summer day. When I have the ho hums at work, a few minute break on snapfish improves my mood markedly.

2) Write About Past Experiences

I have just begun a semi-autobiographical book based on some high school experiences of mine. I don’t know if it will go anywhere, but you know what, after I write portions of the book for a while I am in a happier mood because I remember how much fun the experiences I am describing were to live out.

I know everyone does not have time to write a book and frankly, neither do I. It will take a very long time for me to finish it, but at least I started! What I do think everyone has time to do is write for ten minutes in a journal about past positive experiences and how they made you feel. Do it everyday. I recommend writing in the morning so you start out your day on a positive note. This also provides a self analysis function because you have probably never sat down and actually examined how positive experiences really made you feel. You may not only improve your mood by examining how you felt, you may learn something about yourself you did not know before.

3) Reminisce With Friends

It is an old joke with my two closest friends I have had since childhood whenever we get together, which is only a few times a year now. We joke "let’s make some new memories." But what usually ends up happening is we drink some beer and laugh at the stories of the stuff we used to do. We are not actually doing much at that time except enjoying ourselves through past experiences.

I recommend doing this through email. It is the best medium to include multiple people that were a part of the positive memory. You can go back and forth between a group of people all sharing their thoughts and memories about something each of you shared but experienced differently.

Sometimes I will email friends about a past experience just out of the blue and a hilarious email exchange ensues. I even sometimes pull out old email exchanges from my email account and read them over many months later and still get a tears streaming from the eyes laughing fit.

There are not too many times when an adult has the opportunity to laugh really hard. Genuinely laugh. One of the best opportunities is through an email exchange with multiple friends that have a shared experience. If you are bored or in a bad mood, try sending a group of friends a random email about a fun experience you all shared. Not only will your own memory of the experience improve your mood, but the replies of your friends will also make you smile and hopefully have a good laugh.

4) Don’t Dwell on the Past

Time for a cautionary note. Don’t get caught up in the idea that your past life was so much better than the one you have now and you wish you could go back. That kind of thought process will just make you depressed. I remember having a hard time adjusting to working life when I finished school. I thought "is this it." So I just go to work, come home and get up and do the same thing over again for the next 40 years? But I adjusted to it and so should all of you. I don’t dwell on the care free fun I had in college, I think back positively about those experiences and know I am very fortunate now to have a loving wife, child and one on the way.

Dr. Suess is a true wealth of wisdom and he summed up best what I am trying to convey here "don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened."

Now that we are finally done with the endless parade of holiday parties, family gatherings holiday birthday parties, cousin gift exchanges and just plain guilt induced family time, let’s talk about how to forget it all and get back to the basics of healthy living for body and mind. Just in case you are wondering, that part about holiday birthday parties is not a misprint. Every Christmas season I am forcibly subjected to holding birthday parties during the holiday because everyone is in town, even though the guest of honor may not have their actual birth date for months. This has got to STOP, but that is a goal for another day.

It seems that every year I end up dreading the holiday for various reasons, not the least of which is all the shuffling back and forth between family parties and get togethers. Call me anti-social, but enough is enough. When you have to pack up the car for a puppy and a two year old every time you leave the house it can get a bit tiresome. Now that my diatribe is over, I will move onto my plan to decompress (or detox, take your pick) from all that wonderful holiday cheer.

1) Take a Walk

Studies show that even just a small amount of exercise 3-5 times a week has a huge impact on overall physical and mental well being. Have you ever been stressed out about something and gone for a walk only to feel much better about the situation afterwards? There is a reason, the physical activity of walking produces endorphins in the brain which boost your happiness level and improve your mood. Additionally, the cadence and repetitive nature of walking at a constant pace relaxes the mind. Even if you have not resolved the problem that was bothering you when you set out on your walk, I’ll bet you feel a whole lot better about it when you return from your walk.

You also probably gained some holiday weight, or at least were not quite as healthy in the exercise and eating department as you usually may be. Walking for a half an hour 3-5 times a week will burn enough calories if everything else stays constant (eating levels, etc.) that you will begin to lose weight if you stick with it.

Walking also help you get out of the house and out of your rut to experience the world. You may meet a new person or see something that inspires you on you walk. Get out there!

2) Eat Lots of Citrus Fruit

Winter is the in-season time for delicious florida oranges and lemons. Not only are they healthy for you, but the oils found in citrus fruit actually have a mood altering effect on people when they are smelled. As a confirmation to this concept, peal an orange and squeeze the peal o that the oil squirts out onto the back of your hand. Eat your orange, but then don’t wash off the orange oil. This may be difficult considering the stickiness of oranges, but do your best. An hour later smell the back of your hand with the orange oil and tell me that it does not improve your mood.

The other obvious benefit of eating citrus (I put lemon wedges in my water) is the huge dose of vitamin C they provide. People are more likely to get sick the winter because they spend more time in doors without the proper fresh air flow to take germs away. That leads to the ingestion of more germs and more sickness during winter months as a result. Vitamin C has been shown to improve immune function. Eat at least one orange a day and have a glass of orange juice every morning, preferably fresh squeezed. Then put lemon wedges in all of your eight glasses of water a day (more on this soon).

The healthy effects of citrus are undeniable and you should take advantage of the in-season citrus season in the winter time as much as possible.

3) Drink Plenty of Water

You hear this all the time and the reason is because it is good advice. Drinking water increases your metabolism, hydrates your vital organs and makes you less likely to mindlessly eat. So get yourself a good water filtration system because they are much less expensive than bottled water, and then get a large glass container that you fill at least twice per day. If you have a defined amount of water you must drink in that day, you are more likely to drink it than if you are just filling your water glass when you are thirsty.

4) Go Nuts

I mean to say, eat nuts. Lot of them. Nuts are the best snack on earth. They have good fat, they fill you up on good protein, they satisfy hunger for a long period of time, and they are readily available wherever you shop. Now I am not talking about dry roasted, extra salted peanuts. I am talking about raw almonds, walnuts, pistachios, etc. I like to get a bag of mixed nuts with the shell on. I break the shells with my nut cracker and have to make an effort to actually pick the nuts out of the broken shells. The reason I like this method is because it ensures I will not overeat. The reason is obvious, it takes me longer to eat the nuts, so by the time my brain catches up with the food I have put into my stomach (about twenty minutes), I haven’t stuffed myself with more food than I needed. Then I put my mixed bag and trusty nut cracker away until next time.

I will admit that it is much more a pain eat nuts this old fashioned way. You have the clean up of the nut shells and you have to manually break each one, sometimes more than once. There is no doubt it is easier to just reach into a bag for some nuts. But this is kind of like the experience of eating crab legs and cracking each one to get to the meat inside. Of course you could probably just order some crab meat without the shells, but what fun would that be?

5) Eat Breakfast

You are so sick of hearing that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so am I. But here is a new spin on it. Eat breakfast before your morning coffee because if you don’t, that coffee on an empty stomach will cause your blood sugar to spike and you will be irritable as a result. Not the best way to start your day! Now for the obligatory facts in case you are still not on board. Breakfast increases your metabolism, fuels morning productivity and starts your day off right (there, was that cheesy enough for you).

Dry a breakfast with lots of whole grains and protein. They stick with you for long term energy. But even if you are not a huge morning person, just remember to avoid coffee on an empty stomach. Have a banana or something, just avoid that coffee induced blood sugar spiked tantrum you are likely to pull on some poor unsuspecting driver trying to get to work.

Have you ever had someone ask you for help, then when you make suggestions they just shoot them down one after another? Don’t be that person. If you ask for help and someone is nice enough to take the time to think of ways to help you, accept their suggestions.

Let’s say you are unhappy at your job. You complain to your friend that you want to find fulfilling work, but you don’t know how. Your friend starts to rattle off all kinds of helpful suggestions, like local training classes she can attend at night to get skills for a new career, job openings in other areas you have heard about. Yet one by one, you shoot them all down. I don’t’ have time to go to school at night. My kids expect me to be home. I don’t know if I will like that career. Why do you come up with all of these excuses? Probably because you would rather complain about your lot in life and your career rather than actually accepting responsibility for your own happiness.

1) Ask Meaningful Questions

Instead of just complaining about things, ask meaningful questions to your friend about how you may be able to improve your situation. Ask what they would do in your situation. Engage in problem solving techniques to address your problem. Be a doer, not just a complainer.

If you are complaining about something and your friend is giving you suggestions, but you keep coming up with excuses for why you can’t take their advice, stop. Do a self analysis and realize your are resisting their help.

Another way to identify that you are resisting help is that when you complain about a problem, people do not offer you suggestions. This usually occurs when the person has realized from past interactions with you that you do not accept any of their suggestions. When you start complaining about things, the person may just say "hey, that’s one heck of a problem, but I know you are intelligent and resourceful enough to figure it out." With a comment like that, you know that the person has learned not to take your bait because you never accept any of their suggestions. If you are getting responses like this when you voice your unhappiness about something in your life, you know you have been resisting help for a while now.

Yet another way to identify if you are a help resister is if you voice your problems and the person acts completely uninterested, or says "wow, that sucks," or some variation thereof. When you get ignored or a dismissive comment, it is clear that this person has tired of your constant complaining about problems without accepting any advice on how to fix them. Noone likes a complainer. Don’t lose friends just because you like to complain, but will not accept any advice on how to improve your situation.

Chances are that if the person to whom you voice your problems is ignoring you or saying your screwed, they are sick of you and your problems. You need to check yourself and your complaining before you lose that friend because they would rather hand out with people who a) don’t complaint so much and b) accept their advice on how to resolve the problem. Complaining without taking action to resolve the problem is complaining just to complain. That can really grate on the person getting their ear complained off.

3) Tell People What You Want From Them

If you just feel the need to vent, tell the person you are complaining to that you don’t want any advice or solutions, you just need to get some frustrations off your chest. This way you will not have to deny their suggestions and your friend will not get offended or frustrated if you do not take their advice.

This is a big problem with relationships between men and women. Men tend to be solution oriented, so when a woman voices her frustrations, the man automatically goes into problem solving mode and starts telling the women how to solve her problem. The issue is that many time the woman is not looking for a solution from the man, she is just voicing her problems and frustrations and a therapeutic exercise. However, it would be helpful if that was clearly identified from the start so us men know exactly what was expected of us

If you need advice, tell your confidant up front that you need their advice on how to improve your situation. They will listen more intently and take the situation more seriously when you couch it in these terms.

4) Ask For Help

Once you started complaining about your problems, you involved other people in your life issues. If they have advice on how to resolve it, ask them whether they will assist you in accomplishing their advice. If you need someone to walk your dog at night so you can take that training class they suggested, ask whether they can do it. You would be amazed at how helpful people can be when they feel like they are part of the solution to your problem. Additionally, how can they refuse your solicitation of help if it involves you accomplishing what they suggested? Your friends will more than likely go out of their way to help you if you just ask.

You cannot do everything on your own (believe me, I have tried). Sometimes you need help. Once you realize that and accept help in a situation in which you need it, you will be much happier because you will be more efficient at achieving a state of being that is satisfying.

Nobody likes a show off. Do not be a pompous jerk. Know when to look at a situation and just say, "hey, I’m glad it all worked out." Do not seek out praise or lavish it on yourself when speaking to others. There is a word for people like this, NARSICCIST. These people lack empathy and secretly have low self esteem. By showing that you do not need to be lavished with constant praise from yourself or others, you prove to other people that you are a self secure, confident that is comfortable in your own skin. Not only will this lead to creating more fond feelings for you from others, it will make you feel better about your choices when confronted with situations. Follow these steps to extenuate your humility and avoid the dreaded self promotion of an insecure narsiccist.

1) Project Quiet Confidence

People that constantly tell others about all the great things they have done or how they think they are will likely to be interpreted in the opposite manner. Let’s look at an example. That obnoxious person at work is always stopping by to tell you about their new car, new snow board, how great they did on their last report, and you just smile and go along with it right? That is fine. However, think about what that person is trying to project with their words and actions, and then think about how you really interpret what that person says. I bet while Mr. Narsiccism is in the middle of his diatribe about his helicopter ski weekend in Colorado, you are thinking, are you so insecure that you have to constantly puff yourself up to me in order to feel superior? The answer is a resounding YES!!!

Now let’s look at the other end of the spectrum. Think about the person that is quiet, competent, confident, and positive. This person accepts praise when it is appropriate, but does not go fishing for it. This person does not brag about what they did over the weekend, or all the newest useless crap they bought that will be obsolete in two years and require replacement. Which person do you like better? The answer is clear.

A person with quiet confidence is respected and liked by their peers, friends, coworkers and all others with whom they come into contact. If you have done something praise worthy, people will let you know it. If you have to go looking for praise, or start praising yourself, you probably do not deserve the praise to begin with.

2) Deflect Praise Onto Others

This is one of the most useful tools at your disposal when cultivating your humility. If you do something praise worthy, and you receive praise as a result, make sure to thank everyone that contributed to the praise worthy act. By deflecting praise you receive onto others you endear yourself to the people praising you and to those you acknowledged as helping you with your accomplishment. For example, if your boss comes into your office and says, "great job on the report you just handed in. The client saw it and was very pleased. Keep up the good work." DO NOT, start praising yourself along with him. Avoid something like "thanks, the report really is a fine piece of work. The best I have seen produced around here." Now you have just negated your boss’ positive idea of you into some self serving ego maniac. You should have deflected some of the praise onto another person that helped you: such as "thanks, but I could not have done it without Mary. She pulled together all of the sources and organized them so I could just write the report. She is really good at her job."

What person do you think will get increased opportunities as a result of the above exchanges? It is unlikely to be the person who continued to unnecessarily puff themselves up after already receiving praise. The person who acknowledged the other people that helped and deflected praise will be thought to be humble and competent. If you had the choice of who to give the next opportunity to, who would you choose?

Deflecting praise onto others will not diminish the opinion the people praising you have for you. In other words, if they say "hey, great job on the report" and you say "thanks, but Susie helped out a lot too," they are not going to suddenly think you are incompetent and Susie is the person who deserves all the praise. They will just think you have some humility and realize you are not the only person that helped with the accomplishment.

3) Do Not Avoid All Praise

Do not make the mistake of constantly avoiding praise when given to you. Always saying you did nothing special and that you really do not deserve any thanks will put people off. You need to accept well deserved praise because hey, you’ve earned it! You should appreciate the praise you get and say thanks for it. Just do not go overboard and start self promoting.

If you always avoid praise, people will start to believe that you do not deserve any praise. If every time I thanked a person they denied they did anything that warranted thanks, I would start to think maybe they are right! You have to walk the line between self promotion and avoiding all praise.

4) Be Self Aware

This is good advice for life in general, but especially if you are trying to cultivate your humility. Most of the people that brag about themselves probably do not even think about what they are doing. They just do it for the short term satisfaction of feeling superior to someone else. However, they may think twice about their actions if they knew everyone could not stand them. Do a self analysis to determine whether you are a self promoter. We are all guilty of this to some degree, but do not let it get out of hand.

You first need to determine if you are a narsiccist before you can take steps to rectify it. If you are a narsiccist, follow the steps in this article to promote your humility and increase your opportunities. If you constantly avoid praise, start accepting some praise and follow the other tips in this article to get the right balance of humility. If you have the exact right amount of humility, you are probably fooling yourself. Everyone can benefit from doing this self analysis and then following the steps in this article, myself included.

Be Humble,

Mike

I spent the first quarter century of my life looking at things from inside the box which society creates for us all.  After I had spent that first quarter century of my life in school, getting degrees and working toward a "normal" career, I realized there was a different way to look at things.

I don't really know exactly when my viewpoint changed, but I started to realize that everyone around me looked at things in a way which did not take into account the virtue of doing things out of the norm.

I advocate considering every situation which life presents to you from every angle.  Think outside the lines.  This is what I term "intellectual thinking."  Think about why you are doing things.  Think about how you could do them differently.  Evaluate the virtue in what you are going to do before you do it.  Value other ways of doing things.

Just be open minded.  There are a dangerous number of people walking around in this world who think that their way is the only way and don't want to hear anything else.  That is short sighted and unacceptable.

Challenge yourself and the people in your life to look at things and analyze every situation as an "intellectual thinker" and you will be on a path to self fulfillment and happiness. 

I maintain this blog and post free advice for people to improve their lives through intellectual thinking. 

Let’s start off talking about the opposite of patience, impatience. Picture the scenario we have all been in. You are in line at a store, the cashier is taking their sweet time checking out what seems like an endless stream of items for the person in front of you, who happens to be the biggest wind bag you have had the unfortunate luck to be stuck behind in your entire life. You need to be somewhere and you are late. You have two items that you need to bring to the party for which you are late, but the cashier and the wind bag seem to be oblivious to your obviously more important places to be.

You seethe with anger, your blood is boiling, your blood pressure is rising into unsafe levels which may cause your eye balls to bulge out of your face. Now ask yourself one question, why? Exactly what is your raised blood pressure, audible sighing and seething anger accomplishing. Are you going to get your items rung up any faster? No. Will it make you feel better? No. So why are your acting like a two year old that just had a lolly pop taken away? Get control of yourself and think about what you are accomplishing by acting in such an unnecessarily hostile way.

Impatience is rarely constructive and almost always pointless. It is a result of you letting your emotions overtake you to the detriment of yourself and any innocent bystander that happens to be caught in the path of your rath (like the rhyme?!?) Follow my tips to maintain patience and get a little perspective on being that unreasonably impatient person I described above.

Now why would anyone want to be patient? It requires you to show self restraint, self control and delays that gratifying feeling of giving in to your emotions and just being pissed off.Sounds pretty boring huh? All that drama, conflict, impulsivity and intensity feels so satisfying doesn’t it? Well as you all know, I do not advise doing what feels good all the time. I advocate looking at the pros and cons of a situation in a cool and collected manner and acting accordingly. Being impatient just does not jive with that philosophy.

1) Stop and Think

Stop and think about why you are feeling impatient and what it is accomplishing. Do a pros and cons analysis on your impatience. For example, pro: some other person is not moving at a green light, and if I honk and flip them off when I pass by they will start moving and know not to accidently miss that green light and delay the next person by a whole three seconds. Con, I scare the hell out of the person that briefly failed to accelerate at the green light, and ruin their night by giving them the finger while they read my lips yelling curse words at them through the closed window.

No real pros on that one. The key here is to stop and think about your impatience and why you are feeling that way. Don’t give in to the emotions of impatience, it rarely makes anything better. If your spouse taking a long time to get out of the house, instead of getting mad and going out to wait in the car, ask what you can do to help speed the process along. Be constructive. Impatience is only destructive.

2) Do a Physical Analysis

Many times our impatience and foul moods can be at least partially traced to physical issues. If you are tense, breathing shallow, slumped over, it certainly impacts your mood. Stand up straight, pull your shoulders back, consciously breath deeply. If you have to, close your eyes and visualize a pleasing situation that is far removed from the thing causing your impatience. You will be amazed how much this exercise helps. Have you ever been mad and you do not even realize until later that your hand was squeezing something or your feet were clenched in balls or something similar. These physical manifestations of stress and your impatience just add fuel to the fire. That is why doing a physical analysis when you are feeling impatient will help you counteract these physical manifestations and cause you to improve your patience level.

3) Accept the Situation

Impatience rarely improves any situation. It usually just makes things worse. If you are stuck in traffic and cannot get somewhere you want to be, what is the point of getting impatient and mad? It will not get you where you are going any faster. We have all seen the people weaving in and out of traffic only to get a few cars ahead and reach their destination maybe one or two minute sooner than they would have if they had just driven safely. Or the people who gun the engine when the light turns green, only to be stopped at the next red light right next to you, the person who eased into the green light and was left in the dust by Mr. lead foot. It is always a satisfying feeling when someone swerves around me in a frustrated manner because I am not going fast enough for them, only to meet them at the next red light in the neighboring lane. Their impatience did not do them any good and yours likely will not either.

Once you accept that the situation which is making you impatient probably cannot be changed by your impatience, you can think of constructive ways to deal with the situation that will maximize your patience level (and reduce your blood pressure).

Once you give in to the moment, it will go by much faster and easier. Perpetuating impatience causes a situation to become like a watched pot, IT NEVER BOILS.

People remember the silence of their friends more than the words of their enemies. Don’t stand by while your friends or family or even a stranger are treated in a less than ideal way. If they do not have the voice to speak up and defend themselves, you need to step up and do it for them. Here’s how:

1) EVALUATE THE SITUATION

Don’t be overbearing. You do not want to get into a situation in which you are inserting yourself into a situation that does not warrant your intervention. You have to become adept at recognizing the situations that require your intervention. You also have to know the person you may be standing up for well enough to know when something might bother that person. Some things are obvious because they would bother anyone. If someone says to your friend "don’t worry about little johnny’s bad math skills, the world needs ditch diggers too." That would obviously bother anybody because their child’s potential was just besmirched in the worst kind of passive aggressive way. However, most insults and jabs are much more subtle.

For example, if someone says to your friend, "I like that shirt, it makes you look thin," the veiled insult there is that your friend is overweight. What should you do? Should you just stand quietly beside your friend while the uncomfortable silence passes? Or should you say something? Is this a person with which your friend would not want you to make an issue of things?

Ask yourself these discrete question before you go on a crusade to defend your friend. Your intervention may not be welcome. On the other hand, your intervention may be very appreciated. I will give you an example of a situation in which a person stood up for someone else in a non threatening manner and was thanked whole heartedly.

At a family gathering my cousin-in-law (is there such a thing) was talking with my wife. She said she had quit going back to school to take a job at the post office because she needed more money to support her family. From a few feet away her husband said something to the effect of "yeah, she’s a college drop out." To which my wife responded (without skipping a beat) "how much college do you have Dave?" He was stopped in his tracks and silenced. It was a sweet moment to watch this man who makes a habit of subtly insulting his wife be put in his place. My cousin in law then said to my wife in a very quiet and sincere tone "thank you."

In that situation, the intervention was welcomed and had the desired result. Probably because my wife know her cousin quite well and felt comfortable speaking up on her behalf. You need to evaluate each situation you are in to make the same determination. If you decide your intervention would not be welcomed or would be harmful, stop your analysis and keep your mouth shut. However, if you decide your should intervene, continue with the following steps.

2) DETERMINE THE PROPER INTERVENTION

At first instinct, your initial reaction is probably to just tell the person off and go about your business. That is certainly one way to approach the problem and can be very effective. However, it is not always the most constructive.

A verbal intervention is the quickest and can be the most satisfying way to stand up for someone. The only problem with this method is that you usually do not have much time to reflect on the words you use, you do not know for sure whether the thing done or said even really bothers your friend, and you have not had time to think about whether what you are doing is the right thing in that particular situation.

Do not misunderstand me here, most of the time, a verbal intervention is the proper way to stand up for someone because it addresses the problem immediately, validates your friend and negates the insult by the offending person. However, another route to take is waiting, talking to your friend about the thing you thought was out of bounds to see if it bothers them, and asking whether they want your assistance. In that situation, you could approach that rude person to address the situation at a later date, perhaps when the intensity of the feelings have subsided and you can speak on a neutral, rational basis.

Ask the person the reason for their comment and tell them it hurt your friend’s feelings. Take a problem solving approach of a sort of mediator, instead of just returning insults.

Another route to take is writing an email or letter. This method allows you to really consider your words carefully and say what you intend. Make sure you emphasize that YOU were bothered by their comments also, and that you are not JUST sticking up for your friend. Strength in numbers!

3) TAKE ACTION

It is really easy to talk about sticking up for someone, it is a whole other thing actually doing it. There is any easy way to get over this inaction, think about how you will feel if you don’t do anything. If you are anything like me, you will think about it and let it stew and fester for a long time. Why would you want to put yourself through that? Help yourself and help your friend by doing what your conscience requires you to do, stick up for them.

Yet another tool to help yourself take action to stick up for someone is to think not only about how bad you will feel if you don’t say anything, but how good you and your friend will feel if you do take action. There is some gray area here because sometimes you don’t know whether you should intervene on behalf of someone or not, but if what transpired really bothered you and it clearly bothered your friend, you need to take action and stick up for that person.

There are few feelings in the world better than putting someone in their rightful place when they are out of line. Doing what your conscience compels you to do allows you to expel the toxic feeling associated with inaction. Don’t let those toxic feelings build up inside you by sitting idly by while your friends or family are insulted, or worse. STICK UP FOR SOMEONE TODAY!!! You will be a hero to that person.